Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Long Distance Relationships Aren't Any Different.

We've been through alot these past few years we've been together. And even we though we are so far apart we still have issues arise in our relationship. Things aren't always perfect. Sometimes we get upset with eachother, sometimes we argue. And F.B. refers to me as "His Drama queen". There have been some defining moments in our relationships. Arguments and discussions that have only brought us closer to eachother.

Hey baby, Ack... I always feel like I'm bringing up something that we need to discuss... like the talking thing or the religion thing. I always feel like I'm being so serious, and maybe a little too thoughtful about things at times... sigh, sigh, sigh. See, I wanted to talk about this earlier, but this bothers me way too much to talk about and it has bothered me for a long time now but it's such a weird thing to bring up. And then I start to feel like I'm being one of those jealous girls or something, and that's not how it is, I just need to know some stuff, I guess.

When we were looking at old posts today and me looking at all your old posts- and then I thought someone else had asked you something- but it turned out to be Sarah#1- and I said, "Never mind"- and you asked me, "Does that bother you?" And I said something about "I don't know how to answer that, I don't want to talk about it, never mind." Yeah.... it does bother me, cuz when I look at all those posts- they were around end of November, into December- and just a month later there we were starting off our relationship- right after you had been saying 'Oh you make me smile, oh I missed you.' to someone else....not to mention- with the same name! I guess, I'm just wondering, if you guys were ever close, like us? I guess I just need to know these things, because maybe that would help me to better understand why she was so angry at me right before she left for good- and why she said some of the things she said to me. Yeah so... I dunno... I feel really really weird bringing this up- but it's something that's been on my mind for the past 6 months of our relationship. I love you, Sarah

Sarah#1 and I were never that close. All we had was a forum thing. We flirted around and that was that. We had fun at the boards, though she wasn't around most of the time. I knew she was 18, she lived somewhere in Texas and that she's an Avril fan, that's about it. I e-mailed her a couple of times- Christmas and stuff. But we never really shared stuff about our lives. We never said "I love you" to each other. I guess sometimes, she makes it sound like we were "together" but truly we weren't. It's just that I enjoyed her company around the boards(whenever she was around). I'm quite surprised she got angry at you like that. It's partially my fault, I guess.....sorry. Ya know, I have no problem if you wanna talk about this. If there's anything more you'd like to discuss, feel free to do so. Smile, Sarah. No worries. I love you baby. F.B.

Hi baby. I miss you. I'm sorry I upset you. I just didn't know what to say yesterday with the ym texts, and then when you called, I was just all quiet. It's just sometimes I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry baby. I wish I could just say all the things you'd want to hear and tell you that we'd be visiting sometime soon, but that's really not a sure thing and I was just trying to be honest. Though the possibility is still there, it just doesn't seem like it. It would be nice though to just visit first and get to know each other. I would like that too baby. But I'm just not sure when that would be. I pray that we'll be together soon.

My parents are like "You should finish your studies, so you could go to the states to see Sarah soon.", or so we could just visit as a family and see some of our relatives...They and some relatives in the US actually told me that before even before I knew you. I guess it's a sorta motivation thing to get my studies done soon. Cuz I've been in college for quite some time now. It's kinda embarrassing to think about sometimes. It was stupid of me wasting all that time and wasting my parents' money. I was a bad boy. I guess that's why I just wanna finish my studies soon and kinda redeem myself. I know I've given my parents some headaches before and they'd really be happy when I do graduate soon.

I worry about the height thing too baby. I'm just the little guy and I'm worried that might turn you off. But ya know, I don't really mind that you're taller than me, what really bothers me is that I'm shorter than you. It's not that I'm insecure about my height, it's just that I worry you wouldn't want me because of it. Cuz I know most girls want guys who are taller than them. And I'm just not. I'm just the little guy. I'm just me...And I know it's scary thinking about things sometimes and it's kinda tough answering all those questions cuz we really don't know what's gonna happen. So I understand baby. I feel the same things too. I love you, F.B.

About Ami (that's the girl's name)... well, it's not that she calls or texts me. She just rang my phone once when we were reviewing for exams in the library. Well, I was reviewing then she just came along. I never gave her my number but I guess she could've gotten it from Ken or something. She was my classmate in NSTP last semester, and I did tell you about her before when she handed me this piece of paper with some number in it. I think it was her cellphone number. I dunno. I threw the paper away. And some other time, she was asking stuff about me having a girlfriend and I said "Yes, she's 22". So she knows I have a girlfriend baby. Anyway, awhile ago in school, she sat next to me in one of my classes. She's pretty young...16 or 17, I think. And she's kinda "madaldal". That's talkative in tagalog. And she was asking my birthday and stuff. She even stole a side view pic of me with her cellphone. She's just being friendly, I guess. I don't think she likes me like that. And she did say that she has a boyfriend. I'm sorry if I upset you baby, but I just want you to know stuff. And don't worry baby...I don't want her...It's you I want, it's you that I love. You're my one and only. And you know that I'm all yours baby. I love you so much and I don't want anyone else but you. I love you, -F.B.

I really don't think she likes me like that but I guess there's a possibility. But if she does, I don't get it. How could she like me like that? Sure, we came into the school at the same time and we've been classmates here and there but we barely talk or anything...She can be weird sometimes too. Awhile ago, I was just hanging out at the arcade during lunch break and she was around there with some classmates and saw me. She went up to me and slapped my arm and pinched me kinda playfully but it still hurt. Why'd she do that?...Btw, she's not that girl who asked me to her party. You still remember that eh. LoL! That girl invited the whole class and some other classmates anyway...not just me. haha. Anyway, I guess I could understand about the jealous thing cuz I know I wouldn't want some other guy talking to you or something. I'm your jealous boy, so I understand baby...I just want you to know that I don't want her...it's you that I want. I know you said you don't care about that, but I'll just say it again anyway. And you know that I'm all yours baby...I'm sorry if that got you jealous, but I just want you to know stuff. I don't want you to worry about things. You're my one and only...I love you girlfriend ko. *mwah* -F.B.

About this girl... I am going from girl experience here... and the crushes I have had in the past.... and I think she might like you... Any girl that calls a guy several times, and wants to know why he never texts her. And actually just what you said about how she got upset when you didn't hear her saying hi to you. Okay... if I had a crush on you (actually I love you.. hee hee... but let's pretend.) and I said hi to you... and you didn't hear me or acknowledge me. I would be upset... and I might get angry about it. *Sigh* I love you, Sarah

I'm sorry about the girl thing. But I just felt like sharing stuff to you cuz you're my girlfriend. It wasn't my intention to get you upset or make you jealous...I'm sorry baby. That girl does freak me out sometimes, like that time she got mad for me not hearing her say hi. She really did seem serious about it...weird. Anyway, I'll try to stay away from her baby. I'm all yours. I was thinking about the girl thing...so should I not tell you about those kinda things baby, cuz I don't wanna get you upset or anything like that. I don't intend to get close to any girls either baby. I just feel like sharing things sometimes though. But if you're uncomfortable with it, I'd understand. Cuz it's like you said how I'd be jealous too if you told me stuff. So I understand baby. I love you. *mwah* -F.B.

I'm sorry baby. You probably don't even wanna hear from me right now, but I'm just gonna be sending this email anyway...I'm sorry about awhile ago. I just felt like sharing those things with you cuz you're my girlfriend. I do respect you, that's why I don't hide those kinda things from you. That's why I even asked you if it was ok to do so before telling you. I just wanted to be honest about stuff. And I wish you'd trust me. It hurts for me to hear that you have doubts about that, cuz trust has been a big part of our relationship. I don't want that to get ruined just cuz of some classmate of mine...I know that it worries you sometimes, but I don't want her baby. I don't care about her. It's you that I want. And whenever I do stuff like when I say "I'm not good at that" or something...in my mind, I'm saying "I won't do that cuz I have a girlfriend and I love her"...I guess I'm just not good with words...I know I got you upset, so I'd understand if you wouldn't wanna talk to me. But I'm really sorry. I hope you feel better soon. I'm thinking about you...I miss you. I love you. F.B.

You're right... I don't want to hear from you right now. I'm glad that you're honest with me. I'm always honest with you too. And I want you to tell me stuff. But just because you tell me stuff, doesn't mean I'm not going to have feelings about it or opinions. Or that I'm not going to get upset. I can't promise that. You still don't get it though... I know you don't have feelings for her. I know you don't care about her. I know you love me. But- you don't know what her intentions are. And this new stuff you're telling me- just add’s to my theory.

So she knows you have a girlfriend. So what. That doesn't mean anything. You obviously know her intentions aren't just to be your "friend". She's obviously flirting with you. She's obviously trying to get your attention. So what if she's your classmate. You can't keep playing these things off. If she sits next to you and you're uncomfortable, you move across from her and say something about it, like, "I don't think it's a good idea to sit together like that." If she's saying stuff like smell me... or massage my hands- then duh! Don't play it off, by joking around with her. She's just going to think you're flirting back. You say, something like, "I don't think that would be appropriate." You don't joke back with her! You have to make some boundaries and stick with them.

Or you can say to yourself, "If Sarah was to walk into the room right now, would she be all right with this?" I think that would tell you right off whether you're respecting me or not. It doesn't matter if you don't like her back. But you don't let her sit there and continue to flirt with you. You don't ignore it. You don't joke about it. You say something, that lets her know that it's not okay with you. You don't have to be mean. It can be as simple as, "I don't think that's appropriate." Or, "I don't think that's a good idea.". Letting her sit next to you and letting her say things to you that aren't appropriate for school- is... not right... you're not respecting me when you continue to let her do those things. Whether you ignore it or not. If I had to go to work every day. And there was a younger guy in my unit- and he came by every day and tried to sit next to me at the computer or asked me to smell him. Or tried to touch my hands, or just acted funny around me like he was interested in me, I would let him know that's not okay with me. I would say something to him, whether it hurt his feelings or not. Because I wouldn't wanna lead him on. You're my boyfriend. And it would not be okay if he sat next to me, or tried to touch me, or said things that aren't work related, and weren't appropriate for work. And if he didn't stop. I'd tell my manager.

In your email you said, when she asked you to massage her hands you said, "I'm not good at that." Meaning- it wasn't okay- because I'm your girlfriend. SHE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND, OR READ BETWEEN THE LINES baby... you have to say that. You have to stop and say something like, "I don't think that's a good idea. That's not appropriate for school."

I am worried. If you continue to let her do these things.... what if one day she decides... she's still having trouble getting your attention- so she tries to kiss you. And you don't expect it. And then you're like, "What the hell!?" Then... you've lost our first kiss. Or if she just tries something simple- like going to hold your hand. Or touches your knee, or shoulder. Any of that... is not appropriate. You're my boyfriend... I'm the one supposed to be sharing those things with you. I am upset. I'm upset... because you're just taking that stuff from her, and not saying anything that's going to make her stop. You're just acting like all the others guys in this world. You're supposed to want to stand up for me, and respect me, and take care of me and my heart. You're supposed to be my boyfriend, you're supposed to me my man. The one that's there for me, and will do anything to stop me from getting hurt. I need you....

This is just a big problem right now.... and I'm not happy with it, and you're not listening to me... and I know how girls are. I'm a girl, duh. Jimmy had a girlfriend... you think that stopped me one bit from kissing his cheek that one time years ago? I don't think so... girls aren't afraid of that. All's fair in love and war... which is why you have to be careful and let her know it's not okay with you. And not put yourself in situations, where someone might see you & her sitting together and interpret it wrong. That's how rumors start. And if there's rumors and tsismoso's, or tsismosa's... you know it's gonna get back to me somehow. You can reply to this, but I don't feel like talking... so don't expect any text messages tomorrow. I wish you'd trust me about this. Because you're right... you don't want it to ruin our relationship. I love you... Sarah

I think you're making such a big deal outta this. I kinda feel like you think I'm cheating on you or that I would do so. I feel like I have to defend myself. I know I've hurt your feelings and I'm really sorry, but what about my feelings?...It just hurts hearing from you stuff like you don't know about trusting me or that I disrespect you. And when I read the entries in your xanga...it just sounds like I'm being a bad boyfriend. I dunno, it hurts...I wish you'd trust me. I wish you'd trust me to handle this in my own way. But there's really nothing there. I don't even know her that much. And we don't talk often either. We barely know each other. She's just my classmate...that's all. I know she can get flirty at times, but that's probably just the way she is. I don't flirt back, I don't joke around when I say "I'm not good at that", cuz I seriously don't wanna do it cuz I have a girlfriend. I don't intend to get close to her or any other girl except you...I don't want something like this to ruin our relationship. *sigh* I don't feel so good. I hate myself whenever I get you upset...I'm so sorry. I know this e-mail's kinda short...I'm just a little emotional right now and it's kinda tough finding the words to say. But we'll get to talk more about things in the coming days. I miss you. I love you Sarah. -F.B.

I love you too baby. And I know that everything's not perfect all the time. But it's nice that we talk about things and work things through somehow. And I do agree that it makes our relationship stronger. Cuz we get to know each other better and it gives us more understanding for each other. And I do feel we've been much closer. I feel that each and everyday. And the longer I'm with you, the more I realize how much I love you. I wanna be there for you...I love you Sarah. I do. -F.B.


neo_squared (4:00:21 PM): tell me baby, would you be jealous if I sent a text message to a girl classmate. It's her birthday
neo_squared (4:00:28 PM): *mwah*
christianchickslc (4:00:33 PM): yes...
neo_squared (4:00:50 PM): I won't text her then
christianchickslc (4:00:58 PM): not that girl, the one I don't like mentioned, is it?
neo_squared (4:01:24 PM): it is
christianchickslc (4:01:36 PM): why would you do that then?
neo_squared (4:01:57 PM): just a classmate thing
neo_squared (4:03:07 PM): don't worry baby....it's just that everybody knows it's her birthday cuz she keeps reminding everyone
neo_squared (4:03:56 PM): but I won't text her if it upsets you
neo_squared (4:05:04 PM): baby?

I don't care if you wish that girl a happy birthday in school. But sending her a text message seems so personal. You know I don't like to talk about that girl, I don't know why you would even bring her up, you know it upsets me. You know I have feelings and thoughts about that, that you don't like to hear... I told you not to mention her to me, unless I asked. Otherwise, this is what happens... it causes problems. Because it's an issue, that we don't agree on. So I would rather agree to disagree then argue about it...

I can't believe you threw in my face that, "Well, wouldn't I wish my guy friends a happy birthday?" My guy friends don't HANG ALL OVER ME or touch me, or do any of that stuff you've told me she's done. Otherwise I would know better than to send them a personal text message, that might give them the impression that I was interested in them. I might not think that, but they might think it. And anyway, no. I didn't even wish Jimmy or Brian a happy birthday because they don't care. They don't even remember when my birthday is, so why should I remember theirs? They don't act like my friend, so why should I act like theirs? They are not my friends. The only guy that wished me a happy birthday this year was my boyfriend... the boy that loves me... and cares about me.

I don't care what you do. Because I don't run your life, you do. So you will do what you want. I won't tell you what to do either, because that it none of my business as well, and you won't listen to me anyway. All I can do is give you my thoughts, and tell you how I feel, and that's how I feel. It upsets me. I can't help it, I want to be the only girl in the world that gets your attention. I guess I'm selfish too... I love you... Sarah

I'm sorry baby. It was stupid of me to ask a question like that. I shoulda known that it woulda made you jealous. And you're right, you did tell me not to mention that girl. I guess it just slipped my mind somehow. I'm sorry I got you upset baby. I always screw things up, and I feel really bad about that...That girl doesn't hang all over me though. She's just my classmate in a few of my classes this semester, and we barely talk or anything...I do listen to you, ya know. I care about what you think baby. That's why I asked. But I guess it was stupid to bring something like that up...Stupid me. *sigh*...I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry for being a jerk...Wish I could make you feel better. I'm thinking about you. I miss you. I love you Sarah. -F.B.

Hey mahal, I miss you too. I'm sorry about things. I'm sorry if I hurt you or made you feel unwanted. I needed time to myself.... long distance relationships are hard... too hard sometimes. It's so stressful sometimes... and sometimes because we talk every day certain things build up, and we end up fighting over something stupid. I know I get sensitive... but I needed a time out from all of that. There are alot of insecurities in our relationship. You know that, and I know that. We know that we love eachother... it's just hard to not have those insecurities when we haven't even met. *sigh* It bothers me alot. I love you so much... and I worry that all of this is going to go away someday. But I was thinking today... even if things don't work out the way we want then to in the future, I hope we will still be really good friends. I don't wanna think about that though... because I do wanna be with you... and I do love you. I do. It's been weird... I think I've been sorta numb this past week. I haven't cried at all... I feel like I should... and I feel like I need too, but I just haven't been able too. I had a few moments here and there, and a whole bunch of pangs of wanting to text you, or email you or something... but I also needed some space. I'm sorry, I love you, Sarah

Hi baby. I missed you. The past week has been kinda boring and weird for me. I just wanted to hear from my girl. And I kinda felt unwanted, un-needed. Sometimes I'd even wonder if you missed me. I wanted to e-mail or text you, but you did say that you wanted a time-out...I respect that baby, but like I said, I just wasn't so happy about it. I remember it would be pretty tough during the night-time, cuz I would just be laying in bed thinking about you, thinking what you were doing or if you were just ok. I really didn't do much during the week. I mostly just played some PS2 and during the night-time around midnight or so, sometimes I'd just watch some cable here in the dining room. I'm just not used sleeping so early and I kinda missed getting online to reply to your email and stuff.... I'm sorry. I love you, F.B.

You did upset me... you know that issue is touchy with me, and I don't like talking about it. I'm glad we talked on the phone, and at least hearing your voice helped me to calm down after awhile... though I'm sorry I hung up on you at first. Aw, I made you cry too? I'm sorry baby... I can't help it... you did upset me. It's just touchy with me. You know I just don't like the way that girl acts/acted around you, even if she does it with everyone. And you saying that to me... I dunno baby I still don't get it. I just worry... I wanna be the only girl for you... I wanna be the only one that gets your attention. And it's selfish and I'm jealous- like you, yes... I can't help it. And you telling me that... I just don't get it baby. Why can't you tell her happy birthday in school? Why a text? It seems so personal that she should know your phone number. I dunno, maybe it's more common there for all your classmates to have eachother's cell phone numbers. But here... I don't give my number out usually... not even to co-workers. I just felt let down, I can't explain it... and I'm sorry if you don't understand or think I'm making a big deal. That's just how I feel. I don't want you to get personal with some other girl... and I worry that you like her... or something, I dunno. It's just... you're the shy guy, you've told me that... so I worry that you wanna text some other girl. That's why I said I don't get it... I know you don't like her like that, I just can't help worrying... and this problem on top of the stress from work and everything, just really really upset me. You did hurt me. I don't like talking about her. And it doesn't seem like we agree on how to handle that situation, so that's why I said that I didn't want you to mention her to me unless I asked, because it just upsets me. I hung up the phone because I was angry with you and then I just cried real hard for awhile. But then I missed you and I felt bad for hanging up with you and leaving things like that... and I need you baby... you're my boy... you're my best friend, I hate when things are messed up between us, I don't like feeling like that either.... I just need you, I need to be near you, and I need to be close to you, I needed to hear your voice, I wanted you to make everything better baby... and you know I love you, you dork... I can't help that, Sarah

I'm sorry I got you upset baby. That was really stupid of me. I still feel kinda bad about hurting you like that. You were really crying on the phone. That made me cry too, ya know. I'm so sorry. I just feel like a bad boyfriend and I guess I deserved it when you hung up the phone on me...You love me, I was just thinking that, cuz you called even though you were mad at me. It was nice that we got to talk and make up baby. I'm sorry...I love you. -F.B.
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