Fat @$$

Hmmm.... those 8-10 pounds that I've been trying to run off... I think I've given new meaning to the term "Fat @$$". I got on the treadmill to run tonight and not even a minute into running my treadmill decided it had had enough and broke. The plywood or whatever kind of wood the platform is made of underneath the belt split completely down the middle. So now I can't even run this week because it's busted. Trash. I was being lazy all last week and I decided since I had a full paid vacation week off from work I would work my lazy @$$ out the whole week. But my 5 year old treadmill had other plans...

So after crying about it... I went on Walmart.com and order a new treadmill for $298.00 because living without a means to run & work out is like not breathing to me. Now I'm in even more credit card debt. I want to puke. Blah. I guess this was God's way of telling me I should be getting my butt on that treadmill and working out steadily instead of saying, "Oh I'll rest this week..." or "I don't feel like it tonight." And it's not like I can run around my neighborhood... there's just highway & no sidewalks. I need my treadmill fix... there's only 3 more months until my trip to the Philippines and I need to get in shape.

What the heck am I going to do with myself this week??? I think I need to go to the park tomorrow and walk or else I'm going to go crazy in this house all week long. I was going to go shopping tomorrow but since I just jacked up my credit card that option is out. I've already spent Sunday & Monday in my bedroom feeling depressed... I've just felt really "blah" this week...

He's ALL mine!

Do you see this silly baby?

And this cute little boy?

And this dorky guy?

He's ALLLL mine!!! Aren't I lucky?
Don't we make such a cute couple?

Now check out these email subject lines:

From Sarah Lynn: AHHHH! CAN WE REALLY?!

From F.B.: Yes...hehe.


F.B. and I have been talking about things and working out alot of issues since last weekend. We've also been discussing the future. We've decided we'll be getting married next year! We never really had a set plan on when we were going to marry. But we've finally decided on getting married fall/winter of 2009. I will probably stay in the Philippines 4-5 months next year. No set date on the day we'll be getting married though because it depends on how long it takes to file our paperwork, marriage license, etc.

We will be getting married in the Philippines by a judge. We both have never wanted a big wedding. Just a small ceremony with family/friends and dinner out afterwards. (Here are the requirements for me to marry in the Philippines.)

We've also always talked about having a short honeymoon in Boracay! F.B. has always said he wanted to take me there and we agreed a long time ago we would do that when we got married!

Here are a few paragraphs from some of our emails from the past few days:

From Sarah Lynn: So are we getting married next year? Are we really?! Am I allowed to blog about it yet? Haha! I just want you to say we can do this, that we'll make the commitment and plan on getting married next year. I want that so much! I want to be with you for good... I want to start our lives together. And you know we probably won't get to really be "together" until some time in 2010. But at least we'll be married and working towards filing paperwork so we can actually live together in the same place!

And if you think about that, that's still awhile to find a job since it's only mid 2008, if we get married in late 2009 and don't live in the same place until 2010.... you see what I mean? Isn't that enough time for you? Aaaaaah! I want to get married to you! I do! I want to get married next year! I could stay for 4 months or so and we could get married and maybe even take a little honeymoon to Boracay for a few days... and we could get to spend so much time together. And I could come home and file paperwork for you to come here- unless you've found a great job, then I can file paperwork to move there...

From F.B.: Btw, the answer is yes baby. haha. We could get married late next year. I wanna be with you. I know that the job issue can get frustrating. But I do hope that I could find a job before that like you said, to get some experience and save up too. That would be nice. Late 2009 sounds nice baby. It's not that I changed my mind about it. I just thought it was a little too soon to get married this coming October like you said since I'm still looking for a job and you're saving money too. I wanna be able to save up some money too for us whenever I get a job.

We've always agreed that the person who was more financially stable wouldn't move. Since I've been at my Government job 6 years now, make a nice salary, have good health & retirement benefits, have my credit cards, good credit and our savings. The best option financially for us, would be for F.B. to move to the US. Now if F.B. does find an amazing job over there before or right after we marry I would definitely move to the Philippines to be with him. The person that moves will be unemployed for several months while the paperwork is filed and before they can find employment. We did talk about this option when I was in the Philippines in January and he agreed it made sense.

Also even though I love the Philippines so much & love visiting there, I wonder if it would be difficult for me to obtain employment there. The visa procedures also seem more complex than the USA procedures. I worry about the language barrier. Tagalog is the main language, even though English is also spoken. I don't think I will ever be able to speak Tagalog fluently. I know words & phrases and a little taglish, but I am not fluent. And I don't think I would ever be able to drive in the Philippines! The traffic scares me too much!

So that is my big news! We'll be getting married next year!!! I'm excited. We'll have to look at wedding bands when we are together in October. We can price them over there, though they may be cheaper to get here in the USA, we'll have to see. Hehe!

A typical girly post...

So... 2 years ago I lost 60 pounds. My lowest weight was 125 at 5'6". My favorite weight was 127. But the past year 8 pounds have come back & stuck to my butt somehow... blah. I'd just like to get back to 127. I feel my best at that weight. I've been around 132-135 lately. And I don't like it at all. I know most of you are going to say that weight is just fine & I'm crazy. But all of my jeans which are 5/6's & 7/8's are extremely snug on me lately. To the naked eye I don't look like I've gained weight, but to me when I'm pulling on my jeans and they are snug and uncomfortable to sit in & few pairs I can't even zip up anymore... it's a huge deal! More so, because I worked so hard two years ago to take all the weight off and to have even a little of it creep back on is scary to me...

I used to run constantly when I first lost the 60 pounds on my treadmill. I would run/walk 30 min every day. Then when I got down to my goal weight I started running twice a week. But this year since I've gotten back from the Philippines in January I have been very lazy about working out. I don't really have a set schedule at all & there's been a few months where I've just worked out once the entire month. My diet is pretty much to same & I always watch what I eat... so I know that's not the issue... my issue is getting my butt on my treadmill and sticking to a schedule. I've been extremely lazy this year and it's starting to catch up with me...

Monday I started working out again. Now instead of struggling through 30 minutes of running/walking twice a week, I've been running for a full 15 minutes. Which is a nice change from my usual workout that was becoming monotonous to me. So all this week Monday-Friday I'll be running 15 minutes every day. Then I'll try to increase to 20 min next month... when my body gets used to working out again! It feels so good to work out & I can't wait until my jeans are actually comfortable on me again!

In other news... F.B. & I have been emailing & meeting for our online "dates" on the weekend. It's nice getting back on track with my relationship. We always chatted on my cell phone on instant messenger on my lunch breaks every day, but it's nice to be able to talk about stuff again and to spend more time with each other. We've been having some serious discussions/talks the past weekend/week. I might be able to announce some big news on this blog within the next couple of days. Stay tuned...

Oh no...

Sometimes I let my ratties wander on my bed when I'm reading. The only one that truly ever behaves herself and doesn't even go potty is Spice. She will just cuddle up somewhere and fall asleep. Well Sunday I had her on the bed. The way my room is set up she could run from my bed onto my desk. Later after I put her away and went downstairs my Mom said the Internet was out. I go back upstairs. The wireless router had been knocked down. It usually sits on top of my desktop monitor. That's when I noticed... the power plug had been chewed off at the base and was in half.. the DSL cable had also been chewed in two places and the speaker wire for my desktop was also completely.... in half! OMG! I swear... sometimes pets are just as bad as children. That's my own fault for not keeping a better eye on her. Oh what a bad little rattie! You really have to keep an eye on all of them, even the "good" ones... tsk tsk. I've learned my lesson.

I think Spice was jealous of my staring the laptop all day and decided to "disconnect" us from the Internet. Either that or she was sick of hearing me talking about how I wanted a new router- and decided to fix that!

We didn't have Internet all Sunday. And 5 other people use the DSL in this house. My Dad tried to splice the wire back together but it didn't work. I ordered a new router from Circuit City last night and picked it up at the store today. Installed it and everything is back to normal now... and no more ratties on my desk!!!

In other news I have overtime this week. I'll be going in an hour early and I may be working for a little while on Saturday. Taking my Dad & Mom out on Saturday for an early Father's Day Dinner.

Dissecting my laptop...

I got my Dell E1505 laptop about 2 years ago and after awhile the plastic started to separate on right side where the screen opens, leaving a huge crack. Then last weekend, I was on the sofa downstairs on the laptop and Cinnamon started fighting with Spice so I went to reach for her to separate them and.... my laptop fell on the floor. Bad ratties! Ever since then the problem has been getting and now it's getting difficult to open & close the laptop. It's starting to press on the LCD screen when I close the lid sometimes- which is not good at all... if I damage that- I might as well buy a new one!

So I had to order a new front & back casing from: http://www.parts-people.com/

Then I did some research online and found out it's a flaw with model E1505- look at all these people with the same issue: (I posted too.) The picture someone posted is exactly the issue I have, though it's looking even worse now.


It's the hinge. And I when I opened it up the other night both hinges were not aligning properly which is causing the plastic casing to separate and crack. My laptop isn't under warranty anymore so I have install the parts myself.... so I get to dissect my laptop this weekend...

This looks super fun: http://support.dell.com/support/edocs/systems/ins6400/en/sm/display.htm#wp1022272

It just makes no sense for me to buy a a new laptop that will cost several hundred dollars, when I can repair this one for about $50. It's only 2 years old. Plus it's just a nice laptop with a 2.00GHz Intel Core Duo processor, 256MB ATI Radeon video card & 2GB RAM! hehe. I love that Dell's systems are really nice and run well. The only thing is, they make the casing and plastic pretty junky, so things like this happen. I guess that's why they are more affordable than other PC's with the same specs.

I did have to replace my keyboard a year ago because the M button stopped working so I have been inside my laptop before. And I just ordered the 2GB of RAM. It arrived today so I installed that! Yay! Just a little nervous about taking the LCD screen out and disconnecting the wires- so I hope it goes well this weekend! My parts are supposed to arrive Saturday according to the Fed Ex Tracking. Wish me luck!

EDIT 6-7-08: ALL DONE! It only took about an hour! My brother helped me with it. It was actually really simple to take off the old parts & replace with the new parts. And The LCD screen came out easy and went back in very easy. So now my laptop looks brand new again with the new lid on it and the hinges are so smooth when I open & close it. Yay! I'm happy! The laptop turned on just fine. No screen issues!

All Better!

Cinnamon went back for her 2nd check up tonight. And they removed the metal sutures! They also said I could stop the antibiotic. So my girl is all better! She hasn't had any bleeding since she got spayed. And she's getting chunky again. Her surgery area is turning into a scar and she's growing her fur back on her belly already. I undid the latch in the cage that separates the two levels so that she can live with her sisters Sugar & Spice again. I was worried they might fight or have dominance issues, since they were separated for 2 weeks, but they've been quiet all evening. I'm sure all of them are happy to have free range of the entire cage again!

In other news F.B. & I have been communicating better than we have these past few weeks. We still haven't talked seriously about things yet, but we are both doing much better since my venting post. Long distance relationships are so difficult & the distance between us is just crazy! It's so difficult when you're both from different countries. It's just so frustrating & such a struggle sometimes. Talking about or planning our future is also full of complications and struggles. Thank you everyone for your comments, thoughts & advice. I really appreciate it.

I am so frustated!

I'm contemplating canceling my trip to the Philippines for October... I emailed Orbitz to ask them whether my ticket is refundable or non-refundable. Somehow I think it's non-refundable though and there's no way I'm letting $1,100 go down the drain, not to mention the $900.00 I still owe on my credit card...

I'm just so frustrated with our relationship right now. I've been missing our "dates" online each weekend because whenever I get online to talk with him I feel depressed or I feel angry with him. Whenever I bring up the job issue I get, "I'm sorry.", "I hope...", "It would be nice..."

The "Job Issue" has became a huge issue for me. It's been a year since F.B. graduated college. He's been looking for employment but he just hasn't found anything. Sometimes I just don't know if he is putting himself out there as much as he should or trying as hard as he should. We had an argument about this back in January after I got back from the Philippines because when we were together I asked him if he was still job searching and he said, "He put it off because he knew I was coming to visit and he didn't want to be working when I visited."

We disagree sometimes because we have different points of views and experiences. I've gotten up for 6 years and gone to a job I dislike... but I do it because the money there allows me to travel yearly, to save money for my future and it's also worth it because I have 3-4 months off out of the year. (I work for the Dept of the Treasury).

F.B. wants to find the perfect job. And I try to explain to him, the first job he finds might not be his dream job, it might be something he has to do until something better comes along. But it would be a job and it would mean security and income to save together and I know he wants to save for our future together. But it's been a year! And my Fiance is going to be 29 years old this October and he still has not found a job! I still live with my parents too, but I support myself. I also pay a lot of bills for my parents- towards my rent. And they know I am saving money to move out & get married.

It's just gotten to the point where I am so frustrated and angry with him. I'm tired of giving people an honest answer when they ask, "Has your fiance gotten a job yet?" I want to lie to them just to stop them from answering, "He STILL hasn't found a job!?" I'm tired of being embarrassed about it. I'm tired of laughing bitterly about it or making stupid jokes.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life. I could have gone to a tech school in these 4 years. I actually was enrolled in a tech school almost 4 years ago but the school canceled my classes and I haven't tried again. I put the tech school idea off because I didn't want to be tied to loans in the USA if I was going to move to the Philippines. I didn't want to tie up my money or have major debt when we are saving to be married.

To be honest. I don't really want to move to the Philippines anymore. To do so would mean giving up driving, (I am NEVER driving over there!), my credit cards, financial security, employment opportunities. Somehow I understand that he might not be able to just walk in and get a quick job as a cashier or something. They do not have equal opportunity employment in the Philippines. I've looked at the want ad's. They have age requirements & cut-offs for certain jobs. Their requirements for a job are so specific sometimes they ask you to be a certain age, height, weight, sex & religion. At least if I stay in the USA. I have job security. Both my parents have been saying to me lately, "Just get married and bring him to the USA." My Dad said, "There's more job opportunities in the USA." For my Dad to say that... Wow.

F.B. has never been "excited" about the prospect of moving to the USA. He isn't looking to just come to the USA. If he was, he would have married me the first chance I gave him. But he's a good guy and he wants things to be perfect for us when we do get married. He wants to have money and to feel secure. He worries too much about things sometimes. He's always wanted to stay in the Philippines & the plan was always for me to move to the Philippines... but lately my feelings have changed on that.

If it's taking him this long to find a job, it would make more sense for us to get married & work on bringing him to the USA so he could find employment here. Filing the paperwork would take long enough to even get him over here. But even the "marriage thing" is a big argument with us... I am just so frustrated with my relationship right now and need to vent....

EDIT: My ticket is non-refundable, I won't be canceling my trip to the Philippines...

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