We made it a year. For the first 12 months every day on the 1st, we would have a "Monthiversary" as F.B. called them. The first 12 months, weren't always easy. There were good times and there were bad times. We talked every day, whether it was through email, online messenger, text messages or the phone. There wasn't a day that we didn't stay in touch somehow. It was amazing, that we were able to stay in touch so well, being so far apart. But we made it work. Despite the distance and time differences, we always made it work somehow. And when we had problems, we talked them out. We still write letters to each other. And on our birthday's & Christmas we send each other gifts. On our 1st Anniversary together, he sent me 12 cards. One for each month we had been together. Still... long distance relationships are tough. We go though all the phases and problems regular couples would have together, yet we are physically apart from each other. Sometimes I miss him so badly. And I know he misses me.

*Whoosh*. I had the worst moment of self doubt there... tell me we're in this for the long run mahal? Cause I don't want to lose you, and I want to know I'll probably be with you someday.... eek.... I gotta run to work. I love you, Sarah

I'm here all the way. I believe in you. I believe in us. I believe that someday we'll meet and be together. Just keep the faith. Remember....."Nothing without faith". Smile, Sarah. No worries. You're in my heart. I love you. F.B.

"Sarah Lynn C." wrote: Hey Mahal, I'm blessed to have guy like you in my life. You're in my heart. It makes me happy to think of you too. I can't stop thinking about you, lol. I'm glad you are in my life. I love you so much. I was thinking about the time I 'thought' I was in love. Well- what we have is different. Because... before, I was never sure or certain about things. With you I'm never not unsure. Because I know you love me. I love you too. I can't explain it- but maybe you understand what I'm talking about. It's just that I am certain about things with you. It's just that I've never felt this way about someone. I've never felt this sure about someone.

Does it ever bother you- that we are so far apart? We speak every day, but sometimes like I said before, it gets lonely. Because I know you are there but all I have is words to work with. It's not like I can get in my car, drive to meet you somewhere. It's not like, I can hold your hand, or hold you, or look into your eyes or even kiss you. All we have are these words... to express ourselves and how we feel. Sometimes, that gets lonely...but at least I can meet you in my dreams.

I wonder what will happen to us in 5 years or so? What do you think? We are bound to meet someday, I think that's pretty much certain, lol. I do think about the future alot. The future, hopefully with you in it and don't get scared, haha, I'm not talking about marriage yet... I'm talking relationship wise. Though of course I think about that sometimes. I think about how nice that would be- if we ever did end up together...forever. Do you know your letter is still in my purse, or that I still look at your picture at night. Silly me, lol. I love you so much, why can't I say that enough? I say it- but I want more. This is so crazy- haha. I must be in love huh? Mahal kita, Sarah

Holy crap! You've been thinking through a lot of things there, Ms. Clydesdale..... I'm happy with what we have. I'm glad I could talk to you through e-mails and stuff. I guess, sometimes it does get lonely when you're wanting a certain someone to be there with you. But those words you share are very important to me. They aren't just words, they're your words. As for the future, I wonder about that too. These little things we're doing are kinda like ways of strengthening our relationship. Who knows, maybe someday..... I gotta get some sleep. Good night, Sarah. Mahal kita.. F.B.

I long for the day
that we finally meet
To stare into your beautiful eyes
To caress your smooth skin
To run my fingers through your silky hair
To hold your soft hands
To kiss your tender lips
To hear your soothing voice
To put a smile on your lovely face
To wrap my arms around you
To make you mine
I long for that day
A day that I pray would come
I long for it

Remember that? I posted that at LF a long time ago. Guess to whom it was intended for. Her initials are SLC. You know already? LoL! Actually, I edited one line- the 2nd to the last one. The original had- " A day that may never come" and I just changed it to- " A day that I pray would come". Take care, God bless. I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

F.B. decided once, that we weren't going to say, "Goodbye" on the phone anymore. That we would just say, "I love you." A deal we still keep to this day. Though once in awhile, when I'm rushing, I slip and forget!

Anyway, I was thinking about what you said in the chat thingie just before you left awhile ago. You said "Goodbye", "I'm done"......That kinda made me sad, actually. Though, I knew you didn't mean it in that way and you were stressing out and stuff.....Aw, I'm sorry baby. I wish I was there to comfort you when you're feeling stressed out or blah. Oh, how I wanna give you a hug. It does get hard sometimes. Being so far apart. Sometimes I ask the Lord why it has to be like this. Why the girl I truly love is so far away from me.....*sigh* I miss you baby. I pray that someday we'll be together. You mean everything to me. You're my best friend, my girl, my angel. I love you so much, Sarah. I need you. I was kinda thinking about the whole "Bye" thing. It would be nicer to say "I love you". That would be a nice "thing" for us (my parents have a similar "thing" they don't say bye on the phone). Anyway- It's a deal, Ms. Sarah Lynn Clydesdale. I love you, F.B.

There are hard times in our relationship, when we miss each other terribly. I use all of these emails and letters to tell our story, because it's better to see them expressed in our own words.

No need to be sorry. You're just being real.....being you. I love you for that. You know I'll listen to you anytime. I miss you too. But I tend to focus on the good things about our relationship. Ya know- the faith that we share, the knowledge that there's someone out who cares and prays for me, the inspiration you give me, etc. Just thinking about it makes me happy. Thinking about you makes me happy. That's why I feel sad when I hear you're sad. If only I could be there right this moment- I would.....just to put a smile on your face.

You're the one person I've been the most open to. Trust me when I say that. It's just that, I'm not really that good in expressing my feelings verbally probably cuz of my shyness. I am the "quiet boy" after all. LoL! It's like I said before, it's easier to type stuff cuz you got time to think things through. But all the things I tell you are honest and come from the heart. I trust you. I want you, Sarah. I want to be with you. I wanna be there for you. To make you smile, to make you happy, to be "the one" for you, to be your "everything". I pray for all of those things....cuz I love you. "Love is patient" Smile, Sarah. No worries. I miss you. I love you. F.B.

I remember when we talked on the phone awhile ago, you asked- "Am I too deep?" and I said "No"......I mean- you are deep, but not "too deep". Ya know.....I understand that you get emotional and thoughtful sometimes cuz that's who you are. You're just being honest, being real. I love that about you. And you know that I'll be here to listen. You could always lay them down on me.

My hopes would be to graduate from college and meet you someday, my dreams would be to be "the one" for you, my strength would be you cuz you make me happy and you make me wanna be a better person, and my weakness would mainly be my shyness. I'm not that good in expressing my emotions. I mean, it's easier to write or type stuff. Writing is you, no doubt. I mean, just reading your e-mails.....Wow! It's one of those things that I admire about you. And writing's pretty much what keeps us in touch. And your writing was what first drew me to you. It kinda brought us together. Smile, Sarah. No worries. I miss you. I love you. *mwah* F.B.

SARAH: You seem quiet or preoccupied today. are you sleepy?
FB: Not really
SARAH: Thoughtful?
FB: Kinda
SARAH: Sleepy or thoughtful?
FB: Thoughtful
SARAH: Whatcha thoughtful about?
FB: You
SARAH: Elaborate... that can mean alot of things, lol.
FB: I'm just thinking how I love you so much
SARAH: But..... how you miss me so much?
FB: That too....and thinking of the first time we'll ever meet
SARAH: Are you scared? Okay... nervous sounds better, lol
FB: Yeah, that was what I was gonna say. LoL!
SARAH: Well... I mean I'm scared... haha. I'm scared it's going to be very awkward.
FB: Well, it would be our first time to see each other in person....so I guess, that'd be normal
SARAH: I wanna be with you.
FB: I wanna be with you too
SARAH: If I could give everything up, and leave everything behind. I would. But somehow I know it's not the right time yet... and that bothers me....
FB: mmmmm hmmmmm
SARAH: uh huh.... that's all you can say? LOL
FB: I'll wait for you.
SARAH: For me? I'm waiting for you.. LOL
FB: cool.
SARAH: Mr. needs to graduate. 3 more years, 3 more years, 3 more years.......
FB: Yep.
SARAH: I'm just here... lol. But you need to finish school. So mostly... it's me waiting for you.
FB: Wait for me then.
SARAH: I'll always wait for you F. I wanna be with you. I'm just going to need to learn alot of patience, if I want to be with the one person that's most important to me.
FB: I love you.
SARAH: I love you too.
FB: Love is patient. haha!
SARAH: I know, lol. But it's not easy. It may be patient. But it didn't say it wouldn't be hard, lol
FB: It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
SARAH: I love you... you are so good for me... you are so good to me... I'm so blessed...
FB: We're both blessed to have each other
SARAH: And I don't want to let you go, or ever lose you. It's not like I can go back to the way things used to be- cuz you're
such a part of my life.
FB: I'm not going anywhere
SARAH: Neither am I. I love you F.
FB: I love you too

Sometimes were harder than others. We had moments of self doubt and insecurities. When you're in a relationship with someone for so long, yet you haven't been with them physically, there is always going to be doubts and insecure feelings....

I do miss you baby. And I do worry about things. It’s true though that I’m not that emotional. I'm sorry I disappoint you sometimes. But I do feel the things that you do too. I guess it’s just that sometimes I’m not really that good with words. But I do worry about us, cuz I care about you and I wanna be with you. I wanna be the one for you. Ya know, sometimes I think “what if we met and Sarah didn’t like me”. I think about that a lot cuz ya know me, I’m insecure…Do you still love me baby? I love you, F.B.

Ya know, sometimes I feel like I could never be the man for you. Though I know I’d want to. I dunno…I guess sometimes I just feel like I’m not good enough for you. I wanna be perfect for you but I just can’t and I hate myself whenever I upset you. I mean, I’ve done that a number of times already and it’s just not a good feeling. Sometimes I wonder why you love me so much or why you spoil me so much. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve that. But I want it baby. I want your love. I need it…I need you. -F.B.

We confided secrets in eachother. We told eachother things we would never tell anyone else. And we talked and discussed things when they were on our mind. We always supported eachother and we were always there for each oother through the hard times. The best part of our relationship, is that we understand eachother. We get eachother. F.B. is the positive attitude to my negative attitude. We complete eachother in someway.

I need you... I can't let you go, I can't give you up, I love you so much, and you're so important to me. You complete me in some way... and I don't think I'll ever find someone else that makes me feel they way you do, or someone that treats me the way you do, someone that makes me feel special, and who loves me so much. Someone I get along with, and someone I trust, and someone I can be silly with... lol. I love you, Sarah

I got home earlier than usual cuz of that dean's lister's assembly thing during the afternoon. I didn't go though. Ya know me, I don't like going to social stuff like that. And people were bugging me asking why I didn't go...I just don't want to. They don't understand. But you do baby. You really do. You just understand my dorky ways and me being a quiet boy. And you love me despite all that. I'm a lucky guy. I love you, F.B.

You gave me the heart thing this morning, when you said I understand you. I do understand baby. I don't like big social gatherings. I am okay with small groups of family or friends. But I feel self conscious and funny and anti social and shy in large groups or gatherings. I don't like parties so much. I would rather stay at home sometimes, then attend a party or anything like that... I feel out of place. You're right. Why don't people understand? Why do they feel like they have to drag you into the middle of it all? It's like they feel sorry for us. Like we are missing out on something?! But I don't feel sorry, because I honestly don't have fun at parties. I don't enjoy them... I just feel overwhelmed. I don't like having to be "on" I like to zone out, lol... and not have to be social all the time.

I was thinking... this morning, how before in my life... I always went for guys (or had a crush on guys.) who were the outgoing center of attention type... but that always made me feel like crap! (Why did I do that to myself!?) Because all I wanted to do was sit on the sidelines. And that's what I did, just sit, watching them have fun.... while I was all alone with no one, and it sucked and it hurt bad. But then I met you... and you understand me too baby. And I would rather have someone sit on the sidelines with me, holding my hand and being with me. Then having some obnoxious outgoing guy that goes off in the crowd and leaves me all alone to be by myself. That's not what I want. I want you. I want to hang back in the crowd, and sit off by ourselves, being our shy anti-social selves, lol! Because we will always have eachother. And when we are feeling insecure we will have eachother's hands to hold, and eachother's ears to whisper in, and eachother's company. And that's all I want. I want you. I need you in my life. *mwah* I love you, Sarah

I gave you the heart thing eh. That's nice to know baby. It's always good knowing I still do that to you. You do understand me baby. You know I'm not the type to go to social stuff and parties and stuff like that. You're right, I just don't enjoy stuff like that. And it just feels weird when you're in some place you really don't want to be in. Some people just don't understand that. Sometimes my family doesn't understand that either. But they know I'm the shy guy...Anyway, I'm glad I can share these things with you baby. I do trust you. And like I said before, I feel like I can tell you just about anything. I love you Sarah. -F.B.

Around the end of April, things started to get crazy. It was an emotional time. It was around then when I wrote F.B. an email asking if we could exchange phone numbers.

I have something serious & completely crazy to ask you? If I gave you my cell phone number- would you give me yours? I want to call you. I need to talk to you. I need to actually TALK to you- so I know I'm not crazy. Actually, I'm not sure how to call you- I wonder if there's country codes or whatever the heck... arrgh. If I called you at 1 or 2am tonight, that would mean it's 1pm or 2pm Saturday where you are, right? I mean, if you actually agreed to this crazy idea. Write me back, I'm here. Sarah
You sure you really wanna do that? Cuz if you do, then I'm OK with it. -F.B.
I'm sure, why wouldn't I be sure? I eventually wanted to talk to you anyway, but I was hoping it would be closer to our birthdays. But everything is so crazy, and I feel like I need to talk to you, actually talk to you, and know this is real, and know that we're not crazy, lol. That we're in this together. I'm okay with it. I am. I trust you, I hope you trust me. Okay my cell phone number is: Now that's my local number. I don't know if there's any code you need to use in front of that... not sure. I've never ever called outside the country. -Sarah
Here's my cellphone no.: 1 to 2 pm would be OK. Tell me when you're calling. -F.B.
Do you know which is your city code? I found out the country code is 63. But I need to find out your city code.... -Sarah

Gosh! I'm not sure, I'll have to ask someone about that. I'll tell you once I find out. Trust me. Anyway, I need to go. Good night, Sarah. Love you. F.B.

Hey Love... sorry I made you stay up so late, I feel bad about that. I'm sitting here, this awful feeling in my stomach, and feeling like I want to cry. How did things get so serious? I hope we can get those city, and country codes all worked out. Maybe you're aunt visiting from the USA- would know something about calling to the Philippines, and even calling to the USA. I want to talk to you. I feel like I need to talk to you. I need to hear your voice, I need to know this is real, that we really are in this together. Email buddy? lol... so that's what you told your parents? Gosh F... I feel like we've gotten ourselves into more than we bargained for. Think about it. Is this actually going to work? Are we going to try to make it work? I want to. But at the same time, I feel like we are going to have to overcome, alot of difficulties in this relationship- if we really are going to make it work. (We can't even figure out how to call each other... LOL.) Eventually down the line, who knows when- we'll probably meet each other. Then we'll definitely know whether or not this is what we want. If we really want to be with each other for the long run.

But then there are our families. I'm not that close to my mom either, lol. I mean I tell her more than my dad. But when I think about telling her about us, about you. I start hearing all the negative things in my mind. Things like this, "You better be careful- you could meet a molester online! People have been murdered by people they met online! You don't even know him! You haven't even met him!" Typical stereotyping. This is what I fear I face from alot of people in my family in the future. Maybe I'm over reacting though, I don't really know.

These are just some of the fears, and thoughts I have deep down inside about us. About what we face in the future. I love you so much, I mean that. I don't want to lose you. And I know no matter what happens- that if we love each other and want to be with each other then things will happen, they will work out... but gosh... why is life so hard mahal ko? I wish I could talk with you. I wish you were here right now. I miss you, I love you. I'll talk to you online tomorrow. I love you, Sarah

WOW! I wish I could cheer you up. But if that's the way you feel, then I'm with you. Don't let other peoples' comments get you down though, they're just that- comments. Every one's got their own view of things. Kinda like around here at the forum. Anyway, feel free to scream away all your frustrations at me.....I'll listen. Smile, Sarah. No worries. I love you. F.B.

Yea! I figured it out! I know how to call you now, LOL! YOU HAVE THE CITY CODE IN YOUR NUMBER ALREADY! LOL! -Sarah

Hi Sarah! I'm kinda nervous about this. LoL! But Saturday sounds good. -F.B.

I'm nervous too. Do know by then it will have been a whole month since we said, 'I love you.' Why does it feel like I've lived alot more in this month, then I have in the past few years.... lol. Do you feel like that? -Sarah

I'm sure to be nervous, talking to someone I like so much. I just know I'm gonna sound like a dork on the phone.....Oh well, at least I've warned you. LoL! And yes- "I do" feel like that. As for sad e-mails, you know you can always lay it down on me. I'm always around to listen. Mahal kita, Sarah. -F.B.
That morning I tried calling him, but I couldn't get it to work. The country code thing was confusing and I kept getting error messages. I was sitting at the computer getting ready to email him, when my phone rang. I picked it up and it was him! (Months later he admitted he called me accidentally, he was waiting up for my call and playing around with his phone and accidentally dialed my number, it starting ringing so he stayed on the phone.)

It was so weird hearing each other's voices for the first time. I can't explain it. I felt so nervous and I could tell he was nervous too. He was so quiet! The entire call was maybe 5 minutes long, but it felt more like 30 minutes. Afterwards, I got off the phone and cried. I just felt so silly, because we didn't have much to say to each other, yet we always wrote such long emails. And it was just weird talking to someone you've known for so many months... someone you've said, "I love you too." yet have never heard their voice. Talking on the phone became easier over time, but the first time we ever talked on the phone was just awkward!

Hi Sarah! HOLY CRAP! I actually called you. After the call, I was thinking- "Did I just do what I think I did?". OMG! I can't believe it. It's my first time to call a girl like that. I was so nervous, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to punch myself. LoL! Though, it was really nice to hear your voice and to hear you laugh. -F.B.

Hi Sarah! I remember the time I called you. I was thinking to myself- "You dork! You should've said this, you should've said that". LoL! After that, I checked how much I had left on my phone and YIKES!.....never mind. LoL! Anyway, I can't help but smile when I heard your voice and that British accent you did was pretty darn good. It's odd how I actually got to call you but my text message never pulled through. What the---? Take your time and get some rest. I'll just be here. Smile, Sarah. No worries. Good night. Have a nice weekend. Luv ya, F.B.

Another goodnight call, eh? I was actually thinking- "I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah called", but.....I was still surprised anyway. I just put my phone on the comp. table then all of a sudden it rang and I had the vibration thing on, you know how that is. LoL! Now who would call me at 2 in the morning, I wonder? Haha! You are too much. I can't get enough of you. I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

You called me again. LoL! I love hearing your voice. It puts a smile on my face. "I love you"- I love saying that to you on the phone and I love it when I hear you say it too. I was kinda surprised with the "I love you, I love you, I love you" thing you did on the phone though. LoL! I wasn't expecting that. You make me smile so much. I love you, I love you, I love you, F.B.
Around the end of April, I wrote my Mother a letter. I wanted to tell her about F.B. and I before things went any farther. I'm not so good at face-to-face confrontations, and I am better writing my thoughts down, rather than speaking them... so I wrote her a long letter about us. I was scared to death of what she was going to say. But I was completely right in thinking she would stereotype us. She wrote me a whole letter back, telling me all the things I didn't want to hear. That he could be a molester. That he was just telling me whatever I wanted to hear. That he just wanted a US citizenship. That I should hire an investigator, to check him out, and prove he was who he said he was. I felt sick. I had so many thoughts going on in my head. It was so complicated, what had I gotten myself into?! I didn't know what to do. I was so upset and confused, I decided maybe it would be better if F & I were just friends...maybe I was crazy. After crying in my bed for a few hours until I felt numb, I wrote him an email.

Okay, this is how I feel right now, I feel like things have gotten really intense- I mean I know they have, at least with my feelings. And at the moment things are not working in our favor. We have all the time in the world, and no need to rush into things, or make quick decisions that could ruin our lives. I don't know, I'm so confused. I've been confused for the past couple days, and I need a break from everything. That doesn't mean you have to stop writing me, I'd really cry then! haha. I just think, we need to step back and maybe work on this friendship thing a little more. And wait on all the relationship stuff because we have time. We can wait and see where that takes us. I'm feeling like, if I put my whole self into this- what if I just get burned? Because you are so far away from me. There are so many things that are going to get in our way. And I don't know if I can do that right now. Because I didn't like how I was feeling the other night- when I was laying there looking up at the ceiling. I don't know if I want to hurt like that again- and I feel like, if we keep things this intense, and then it doesn't work out- I don't know... I don't want to think about how I'm going to feel, or how long it's going to take me to get over you. So maybe we can step back a little and work on being friends more, and put less focus on the relationship part right now. I need that I think, I need to think about things clearly. I want to still email you, I will still mail your my letter, but I think you understand what I'm trying to ramble on about, lol. Write me later. -Sarah

Stepping back?.....If that's your decision, I respect that. I respect you. I don't want to force you into anything or rush things. Don't cry.....Oh, how I wish I could put a smile on your face. If you need a friend, I'll always be here. Take care, God bless. F.B.
I decided to vent to my friend Jimmy about the situation, things were so complicated and I needed to get my thoughts out.

Jimmy, Yes the Philippines are really far away... but you never know what could happen. And he is a nice guy, after two years, I didn't think I would find anyone that I would be interested in again. I didn't think I'd find someone that would actually listen to me, be goofy with my, or even read through the bible with me and have it be HIS idea.

Only, things have gotten worse, not with F. I talked to my mother about things, about us communicating through email, and letters. And she wrote this whole letter back, saying how he could be a molester, or how he could be saying anything to me, anything that I want to hear. How I should talk to Pastor about things. How if I want to meet someone, I should go to a Christian singles group. How I should hire an investigator, to prove he is really who he says he is.

I said, Mother," I have his picture, I have his letters, postmarked from the Philippines." She said," How do know that's really his picture?" She said, "How do you know he isn't trying to marry you or something just to come to this country. " I said, "I have his number let's call him, you can talk to him. " She says, "I don't want to talk to him."

I don't know what to do. This guy is the best thing that has ever happened to me in a long time. He actually has me reading my bible. We talk about things serious things, stupid things, goofy things. And maybe he is really far away, but you never know what could happen. I don't know how to prove to my parents, that he is who he says he is. I believe who he is. He's never once said something to me in the past 7 months that would make me doubt him. I cried so much last night, because I've gotten into this so deep, I feel like if I lose him, then I lose myself. I've had my heart broken before, I don't know if I could take that again. One of the happiest times in my life, has overnight become the worst. The only thing I can think to ever prove to them, he is who he is. Is to go ahead, and do this dumb Investigator thing. I know everything about him. So that wouldn't be a problem. My mom left me some Christian yellow pages, with some investigator place circled. I don't want to lose him, so if that's what it takes, then I guess that's what I have to do. Why is life so hard? Why does it seem like when I actually have something going for me, when I'm actually looking forward to something in my life- that everything falls apart on me? Maybe it's a test, I don't know- but I'd do whatever it takes to not have this relationship fall apart. Jimmy O, pray about this situation will you. God bless, Sarah

Hi Sarah! Ya know, your parents are just doing their job. You're their only daughter and they're just trying to protect you. They don't really know me and it's understandable that they would be worried. I understand that and I respect that. They love you and you know that. But when you think of it- all we've been doing is e-mailing each other and stuff, then I wrote you a letter. And that's about that. I offered my love and friendship, and you gave yours back to me. All the things I told you are true and I've never promised you anything, right? Don't let this mess up your life, I wouldn't forgive myself if it did. I can't answer all of your questions but.....just keep praying and God will show you the way. Life goes on and we'll just wait and see what the future holds. In any case, whatever happens- I love you and you'll always be in my heart. I'll be here listening. F.B.

Hi Sarah! The way I'm thinking is- if the relationship thing never works out for us, then I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all. We started out as friends(and we still are), so let's just continue that friendship and see where that takes us. It's like something you said in one of your pm's:

QUOTE : I just think, we need to step back and maybe work on this friendship thing a little more. And wait on all the relationship stuff- because we have time. We can wait and see where that takes us.

I'm there during fun times(the crazy posts, pm's, e-mails, our "dates"), but I'm also there during the bad times- that's what friends are for. I wouldn't like our friendship to be ruined because of this. That is something I'd like to keep. Did it not make our faith in God stronger? Did it not make us happy? I think it's definitely something worth keeping. Wouldn't you agree? I say "I love you" because I mean it. And we were still friends after all that time. Our friendship drew us closer together. And I wouldn't like that to change. Smile, Sarah. No worries, no regrets. You're always in my prayers. Take care, God bless. -F.B.

Hey F, You're right. I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend. And I'd rather have you as a friend, than not at all. Our friendship is always going to outlast anything we come up against. And right now at this point in our lives, and the fact we are so far away- I think it is best for us to stay friends. You do make me happy. Being friends with you makes me happy. Reading through the bible with you makes me happy. And you're right, just because things aren't working relationship wise for us- doesn't mean we have to call everything else quits.

I'd like to keep doing this bible study with you. I read chapters 4-8 of Joshua today. So I guess tomorrow we can read 9-12. I like the fact- that I'm reading through everything- instead of just skipping around looking at different verses. I find myself, circling, and marking verses here and there. It nice to have a planned study- because when I'm on my own, I tend to slack. It's nice that I have you there to talk about these things with- and you know I'm here for you too. I'm gonna go, cuz I think I just about rambled myself out the other night. And I really have nothing left to say, you said it all. And I agree with you. You're in my prayers also. And you're right- no regrets. I'm blessed to have you in my life, thanks for being so understanding. Smile, take care. God bless, Sarah

Jimmy, I don't know, maybe it's not worth it. Is it worth it to mess up my life? For a relationship that's so far away- we may never even meet each other... like you said Jimmy- why not find someone closer, someone I can actually hang out with? Ack- and all these thoughts inside me are so confusing. I'm so confused.

Did I tell you I actually talked to him? It was so weird to hear each other's voices- but it was sooooooooo awkward. LOL. We couldn't think of much to say to each other. And I've been confused about things for the past two days, and ACK. What have I gotten myself into? I need to get away, I need to think. I need to step back. That's actually what I told him. I don't know... I need to step back, and think about things. It's been 7 long months... but maybe we've gone as far as we can go. Pray for me. I need some clarity in my head. Reading the bible is a very good thing though, and maybe even if we never are more than friends in that aspect- at least we are getting something good out of this. I don't think I'm going into work, I feel awful, and I need to think. Ack life is frustrating Jimmy! -Sarah

I didn't know how else I could prove to my parents, that F was honest and he really was who he said he was. I decided to contact the investigator, thinking that if that was the only way to prove things, then I would do it. Just to make my parents feel better, and accept our relationship. I emailed the investigator.

Hello Sarah, I would be happy to help you with your situation. That is the good news. The bad news is as follows. From my 29 years in the business I can tell you some cold hard facts. First, often-good people are not 100% honest. Second, this service is not inexpensive. We would require a minimum of $500.00 advance. Your total expense will probably run closer to $1,000.00 or more. Third, there is no way for me to determine the true heart of an individual. So, I can verify his data. Maybe we will catch him in a lie. We can gather information you currently do not have such as any criminal record. But in the final analysis, as you said, you are 21 years old. I could tell you of wonderful loving marriages that I have seen from Internet connections. More times though, they turn out like most relationships. I will hold you email on file. If you wish to pursue the matter, please call me. Thank you.

After reading that email, I didn't really know what to do. Even if the investigator proved F.B. was who he said he was. He could never prove what F.B.'s intentions were or what was in his heart. That would never satisfy my parents. After alot of thinking, I decided to take my own risk and make my own decision. I decided I did want to be with him and I did want to take this risk. I trusted him and he trusted me and that was all that mattered. All that mattered was that we loved eachother and that we were in this for the long run together. And it was our choice, no matter what other people's opinions would be. This was our life and our relationship. And if we were making a mistake, it would be our own.

Jimmy, I don't know what's going to happen in my relationship with F. I've decided I don't really care what happens or what people think anymore. Because I know him, he knows me. I love him, he loves me. That's all that matters. In this friendship/relationship. The fact, that we are reading through the bible together, and praying together, it's really quite awesome. He's switching majors in college, instead of Psychology, he's going to be taking Computer Sciences and might go for 3 more years to get his Bachelor’s degree... darn him- he'll be 28 or so by the time he graduates! ACK! I need patience, lol. I've also decided I'm going to go with this, and see where it takes us. I know he lives far away, but I can't explain it... God brought him into my life for a reason, and whether it was to help us grow closer to Him, or just to be friends or more. I dunno, but I'm happy. I really am. Take Care, Sarah

You're my best friend and I love you dearly. I feel like you understand me and I know you love me back despite all of my imperfections. It is hard sometimes cuz we really are never sure of what's gonna happen. But what I know for sure is that I love you and I'd want things to work out for us. I'd never wanna lose you. I love you, F.B.

"Risk everything, regret nothing." I heard that somewhere, something about "mad love".....I have no regrets how things have been with us. I'm glad I got to know you that you're in my life. And even though you're a million miles away, I feel like you're here with me. You're a part of me now. You're in my mind, in my heart.....always. And I thank God for giving me the gift that is you. I love you, Sarah.....no matter what. F.B.

F.B. & I would meet each other online at the forum and sent private messages back and forth. This was before we took the step to download any online messengers like AIM or Yahoo. April, 1st, (April Fools Day) 2004, was the day we defined our relationship and finally expressed our feelings for one another.

There was a thread on the forum where members were posting poems or songs they had written. The one night, I had written a poem about F.B. and decided to post it. Turns out he had written one about me too.

It's complicated
It's all too real
These feelings
Like an open book
You read me
See me for me

And it's the first time
I'm feeling again
I'm exposed
I can't hide away
Cause you've changed me

So let me put my heart
On the line
For you to unwind
Cause you're what
makes my day.

-Sarah
I've never seen You
And yet I know You're beautiful
I've never spoken to You
And yet I feel that I can tell You anything
I've only known You for awhile
And yet I trust every word You say
I've never met You
And yet I feel that I've known You all my life
I've never been anywhere close to You
And yet I feel You here with me
Why?
I ask myself
Perhaps it's because
I Love You

[NEO]
Aw, did you write that last night, or did you write it up after you saw mine? lol. I wrote my poem/thoughts whatever last night before I went to bed. It was one of those times, where I needed to get my thoughts out. When I read your poem, I apply it to you F. Right down to the last line. -Sarah

I'm glad you like it. I actually wrote that 2 nights ago but I wasn't sure of posting it cuz you might think I'm some psycho freak. LoL! [NEO]

I think you're the opposite of a psycho freak. You're just a freak. I'm kidding, kidding F! And I think I do love ya F.B. -Sarah
WOW! Ya think?.....I know I love ya, Sarah. ! [NEO]

Well, I guess I say I 'think' I love you. Because, the way I grew up, love was like- two neighbors or friends, falling in love and getting married. And that's what I thought would happen to me. But I don't know... maybe that's not what God has planned. I've never met you F. I've never seen your interactions, or expressions, looked into your eyes, or even heard your voice. But I do know your personality, thoughts, emotion's, and heart. And I know I love you when it comes to that. Ack... holy crap. I said those three little words! Love you much, Sarah
Gotta go now, Sarah. Good night. I love you too. [NEO]

By the way, you do realize it's April Fools day? Are we a couple of fools? LOL! Take care, sweet dreams. I love you. -Sarah

Fools in love.....perhaps. LoL! Love you, F.B.
We told each other "I love you." it was a big step in our relationship. It confirmed the feelings we were having for each other. It didn't matter that we hadn't met. We had spent the past several months talking nearly every day. I still felt crazy... falling for someone I had never met. There were alot of insecurities too, but at that moment we decided to take the risk. And it was worth it.

Punkchick82 @ April 04 2004,19:12:
I looked this up on-line, so I'm not sure if it's correct or not, but: Mahal kita, F.B. If I said it right in Tagalog, then you know what I mean. -Sarah
Yep, you got right. You can also say:

"Mahal na mahal kita"- I love you so much.
"Mahal din/rin kita"- I love you too.
"Mahal ko"- My love
Mahal din kita, Sarah.

-F.B.

Hey F.B., I just knew that you were going to say something about the song, 'It's gonna be love' Now how did I know this? I'm psychic. Well... at least with you, I am. ;-) I love that song too. And it is a powerful song... maybe more so when you're thinking about someone you like... maybe even love. Gosh F, when I read your message on my phone, I couldn't stop smiling...
FB wrote: I first heard that song through the movie- "A Walk to Remember". I've been listening to it today from the soundtrack. And it's true that it reminds of you too. There's this other song by Mandy Moore that I like- "It's Gonna Be Love". I think the lyrics in there are really powerful (or maybe I'm just in love with you). There's a lot of emotion to it.....I like it. Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day.

Hey Mahal ko, This going to be one of those serious pm's, lol. (Though the laugh, prolly just made it less serious, ack! lol.) I was thinking about us. And where we stand in this whole mess of a "relationship" lol. Do we actually call it a relationship? I mean, I take it very seriously. I wouldn't take the time to get to know you, if I wasn't serious about you. So, what I'm trying to get to is, if one day, some guy comes up to me and says, "Hey, would you like to go out?" How am I going to answer? Would you like to know how I would answer? I'd say, "I can't, cuz I'm already involved with someone." That's how serious, I am about you. I don't want to go out with anyone else, I just want you. So... that's why I'm trying to define "us". I love you, and want to get to know you more, and who knows where that will take us. Only time will tell. And I think you're just as serious about it, as I am. I believe you when you say you love me. I love you too. And if you are just as serious, then I guess we can say we have a relationship. And you could take my word F, that if some guy asked me out, I'd say, "I can't. I'm already in a relationship." What do you think? It's kinda hard to define, cuz you're so far away from me. But that's how I feel about you. About us. I love you much, Sarah
What we have is definitely a relationship. And I am just as serious as you are with it. I've never been in any sort of relationships before and I don't intend to pursue anyone now that I know you. You and I have something special here. It's kinda weird though, being so far away and not having met yet. Sometimes I'm surprised that you feel that way for me.....but only because I feel the same way for you. I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

I'm surprised all the time, that you love me back. I'm surprised sometimes, by the way I feel about you. It's like this rush of 50 billion emotions all at once. I'm serious about you. About us. And I'm so happy you feel the same way. I don't want to get to know anyone else but you either. So if someone ever did ask me out, I'd say no. Because I love you that much. You're so special to me F, and you're right, what we have is special. It is tough being so far away from each other. And the fact that we've never met. But ya know... relationships take time. And even if we are this far apart, if we're still interested in each other two years from now, who knows what could happen. Eventually, I'd like to talk to you. And hopefully someday we'll get to meet each other. I mean, eventually we would have to, lol. Because if we love each other, and we work well in a relationship this way. Then we'd have to see if we worked well in a relationship together in person. But we have all the time in the world. Love is patient. Love takes time. Relationships take time. And I do love you. I'd wait as many years as it would take, just to be with you. Gosh... I am so blessed to know you, F. I love you, Sarah
You're right.....Love takes time. If it's gonna happen, it'll just happen. Just like the way we got to know each other. Nothing being forced, nothing being rushed. In any case, whatever happens.....I love you, Sarah. -F.B.

Hey F, I finished the story about us tonight. It's 7 pages long. I actually had to condense it a little, because I didn't want it to get too long, after all it's supposed to be a "short story" not a novel, lol. Anyway here it is. *blushes* again. Maybe someday this story, will kinda come true. Luv ya! Smile, take care! God bless! *~Sarah~*

FB wrote: HOLY CRAP!!! My cheeks are on fire, my ears are all red, and my heart is pounding. Sarah, I can't believe you actually wrote this. WOW! OMG, this is just too much for me to take.*deep breath*.....I gotta tell you though, I wish I was as smooth as that guy in the story. LoL! That last part actually brought a tear to my eye. I'm such a sap with this kinda stuff. You really are something else, Sarah.....Thanks. Ya know, my parents were pen pals for 8 months before they met. They were "together" for 28 months before eventually getting married- they were 26. My Mom was a grade school teacher then(now she's a housewife), while my Dad was a seaman(he wasn't a captain yet during that time). They're both from the Philippines.....Mom came from Luzon (North), Dad came from Mindanao (South). Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day. Luv ya back. F.B.

FB wrote: Hi Sarah! That's a great story about my parents, eh? My Mom's co-teacher knew my Dad. She gave him my Mom's name and address, Dad wrote to her, Mom wrote back. And that's basically how it started. They've been married for 25 years and yet they are so much in love. They still celebrate stuff like "first date", "first kiss", "first holding hands"(Yep, you read that right), stuff like that. LoL!.....Anyway, I never thought I'd meet someone that way. But ya know, you're kinda like my pen pal or cyber pal, or e-mail buddy, whatever. I wonder if we'll meet someday. And I understand about expressing your feelings through writing cuz that's the way I am too. I guess that's what kinda brought us together. I feel good sharing to you all of this stuff. Smile, Sarah. Have a nice day. Luv ya. F.B.

Used to your ways? I love your ways. I love everything about you. I love YOU.....just the way you are. Your thoughts are important to me too. So, feel free to express yourself. I'm here all the time. "Nothing without faith"- Faith gives you strength, it inspires you, it uplifts you, it shows you the way. I have faith in God and I have faith in you. You're a blessing from God and I thank Him for giving me the chance to know you. Haha! Isn't that odd- about missing someone you've never even met? I miss you and you're always in my thoughts. That's definitely a first for me- I've never felt like this for anyone ever. I'm still asking myself- "How'd that happen?" but I also keep saying- "I'm glad it did happen". I'm happy you're in my life. I love you, Sarah. F.B.
April was the month we took alot of risks. Telling each other, "I love you." was just the start. It wasn't long, before I was thinking about exchanging addresses and writing each other letters. Now THAT was a big risk, for the both of us. It was probably the most defining part of our relationship, because it made things more real, more personal. It proved this wasn't just some game we were playing, that our relationship was real, and this was happening.

Hey F... I was sitting in church today thinking about you, and smiling oh so much. Jessie remarked to me today when I was over their house, "You're way too happy." LOL! I said, "I'm sorry! I'll try to not be so happy, want me to think about something sad?" lol. Thinking about you makes me happy, I can't help feeling any other way. Anyway... I was thinking about how your parents met- and eventually.... down the line... if you wanted to... I was thinking, maybe we could write each other letters. Not all the time... since email is so darn convenient. But maybe sometimes.... that would be so nice... lol. Take care. God bless, Smile. I love you too, Sarah

Hi Sarah! HOLY CRAP! .....Way too happy? Really? You must've been grinning like nuts for Jessie to say that. LoL! Anyway, making you happy makes me happy. And knowing that I put a smile on your face makes my day. I'm taking up Psychology right now. I took up Computer Science for almost 2 years but I shifted to another course when I transferred. You wanna write letters, eh?.....Sure. I'd like that. Smile, Sarah. I love you. Take care, God bless. F.B.

Letters would be nice, once in awhile. Letters are so much more personal... letters would make things feel more real. I mean they already feel real enough, but I think you know what I mean. You should write me first. lol! Besides, in my entire 21 years, I've always been the one to initiate stuff, and most of the time it never got me anywhere... because the feelings weren't mutual. But... they are mutual with you. I want to be old fashioned, (in the sense, of a guy/girl relationship.) I'll talk to you later. Take care. Smile! Love you back, Sarah

Hi Sarah! I'm taking up Psychology.....And as for reading your mind- I can say that you're quite happy and that perhaps you're in love. Am I right? LoL. As for the letter thing.....Sure, I'll write to you first. If you wanna do it, I'm all for it. Smile, Sarah. I love you. - F.B.

Well what do you know- those Psychology classes must be paying off. Yes, I'm happier than I've been in the last 21 years of my life. And... why yes Professor Bernerdo, I do believe I am in love. How did that happen? I do want to do the letter thing and yeah... if I get a letter from you- then Jessie will really yell at me for being happy, LOL. Ack... but now I'm all scared, and nervous, and excited all at the same time. Because you're YOU, and you're REAL. And this is REAL. And I do love you. You'll have to send me your address too. But, I'll be nice, and give you mine first.... Ack... well... here it is. I love you, Sarah

Hi Sarah! So, you're happier than ever.....Good for you, that's nice to know. And you're in love.....lucky guy. LoL! HOLY CRAP!!! I didn't expect you to give me your address right away. WOW! LoL! You really do trust me, eh? Thanks. Here's my address. I'll send you a letter some time soon. I'll send you a pic when I do so. And yes, you are pretty. And you know how much I love ears. LoL! Smile, Sarah. No worries. Take care, God bless. I love you. F.B.

Hey F, Did you ever think things would get this serious? I didn't. When I first saw you on the boards, I thought of you as a friend that I could joke with, and then as we Pm-ed each other more, and I got to know you, I liked you, alot. Then... I realized, I loved you. I didn't expect any of it, it just kind of happened. You kinda of happened. Love you much. Smile, Sarah

I didn't expect anything like this either. I just wanted to goof off around the boards. But you were just too darn likeable for me to resist. LoL! So, I started Pm'ing you and stuff, then it's like you said- it just happened. Also, it's a good thing my Mom dragged me to watch "Freaky Friday" cuz if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't know anything about the forum and I'd probably be in bed right now sleeping instead of writing this Pm to you. LoL! Thanks to my Mom and Lindsay, I got to know you! I'm such a lucky guy. I love you, Sarah. F.B.

A few days after we first said, "I love you." and exchanged addresses. The Lindsay fan forum closed unexpectedly. It left us feeling sort of lost, because after so many months it had become almost like a 2nd home, talking with our friends. And being able to private message each other back and forth. It was where we first met, and alot of our history was lost when the forum closed.

Sarah wrote: Did you see what's going on with the boards?! I tried to log in, to check if I had any messages, and the boards are offline. Infact... it says the boards are merging with location lohan- and the lindsayfans boards won't exist anymore! It says to hurry up over to locationlohan.com , to create a user name. But... gosh F... that's so so sad. I want to cry. I've been coming to this place for almost a year.... it's where I met you. How can they do that? That really sucks.... gosh... is it stupid to cry over something like this? Because I feel like crying. -Sarah

Hi Sarah! It is kinda sad, we won't probably see those posts we've made in the past. Anyway I guess it means better things to come. Maybe locationlohan will have an overhaul sometime soon now that there's gonna be a merge. I registered awhile back with the same username- "Neo-Genesis" but I still haven't gotten the e-mail from locationlohan so I still can't do any posting. But don't cry, we'll probably be doing the same ol' things, only now it'll be in a slightly different place. Things change, ya know. Smile, Sarah. No worries. Take care. I love you. F.B.
It really never was the same. Even though we occasionally posted at the new forum, nothing could ever replace the first forum we had met on.

Around mid April, I received F.B.'s first letter. Was that ever nerve wracking?! I remember my hands were shaking the very first time, I held a letter from him, looking at the Philippine postmark, and checking out his writing. We were both online at the time when his letter came.

Hey F, YOU MAILED IT!? Don't be teasing me now mahal, lol -Sarah

Haha! I mailed my letter Monday(April 12). I wonder when you'll get it....."Snail mail" indeed. Lol! I love you. -F.B.

HOLY CRAP! Right after I just sent this message, I went to see if the mailman had brought your letter, and guess what! I'm holding it in my hands RIGHT NOW! hahaha, I'm so excited, my hands are shaking, lol. -Sarah

HOLY CRAP!!! So, you gonna read it already? This is kinda embarrassing, my pic's right there.....SHEESH!!!

Holy crap, I just read your letter, my hands are still shaking mahal. lol. Hey Mr. B. you are cute! But... you might have to shave your little mustache for me, haha. It's just one of my peeves I guess. Your sis is so cute! Aw! I'm so happy right now, I can't believe you started writing my letter right after you got my address, haha. Now I'm going to have to go work on yours tonight! -Sarah

So, you read it already, eh? The pic's kinda crapped out, I would've had it recopied but I couldn't find the film. And about my mustache(actually, I call them whiskers. LoL!), I actually shaved them on New Year's Eve right when we arrived from Hong Kong. -F.B.

Your printing is so nice too, hee hee, I love it! I love you! Haha, and you shaved! Good thing! Smooth faces are so much better. Sheesh... why are my hands shaking still? I keep holding onto your letter. You are so tan, lol. I'd be the whitest girl in the world next to you. I never tan, I burn- lol. I burn bright red! LOL. -Sarah

Really? I never thought I was tan.....You like my handwriting, eh? Thanks. But seriously, when I started writing in cursive- I was really surprised at how hard it took for me to get it. LoL! Love you back. -F.B.
Haha, you live where its summer all the time, how could you not be tan Mr. B.?! Yep, like I said I never tan, lol... everyone in the summer time is like, "Sarah, you're so white- get some sun." And I'm like, "I am in the sun, I just don't tan- I burn, lol." -SLC

I was wondering.....would you have checked the mail if I hadn't told you about it a while ago? That was kinda weird- just when we were talking about it, it finally shows up. LoL! -F.B.

Hi Sarah! Here's something interesting- my parents were penpals for like 8 months or so, right? But they never knew what each other looked like until the day they actually met. Anyway, I've been bringing your letter to school. I love reading it. Btw, I remember you saying one time that you might edit your letter before sending it to me. Well, did you? Or am I reading the "original"? Oh yeah, I remember- you did love me even before seeing my pic. Well, it was the same for me. I loved you ever since I called you Sarah#2. Smile, Sarah. No worries Have a nice day. I love you. -F.B.

Ya know, I did like you even before seeing your pic. In fact, I think I loved you already right there. I just admired your writing and your faith. And I had lots of fun with you around the forum too. Haha! Those crazy posts and those nice pms at LF...Ahhh, the memories. I'm so glad I bumped into you.....Who woulda thought? LoL! What a lucky guy I am to have found such a special girl. You're such a blessing and I am forever thankful that you allowed me to be part of your life. I need you, Sarah.....I love you so much. -F.B.

I never thought I’d be writing my own love story…

When I was around seven years old I starting writing books. Some of my earlier works were created on construction paper, mostly about lost dogs or cats that misbehaved. When I was a teenager I wrote about romance. Stories all about ordinary people falling in love under extraordinary circumstances. (In other words, fairy tales.) I never imagined that my own story would be just as exciting, or that it would keep me turning the pages anticipating the ending. Only my story doesn’t have an ending yet. It’s just beginning….

September 2003:

I had just turned 21 years old. My cousins & I had gone to the movies to see the Disney remake of ‘Freaky Friday’ starring the actress Lindsay Lohan. I had learned to play guitar two years prior and I was enthralled with a few of the songs in the film. I went searching online for guitar chords, hoping I could play this one particular song. But the movie was too new and I didn’t have any luck. I did however, stumble upon a forum called, ‘Lindsay Fans’. Where fans could post and discuss the actress Lindsay Lohan. I decided to sign up under the screen name ‘Punkchick82’ and I posted a thread asking if anyone knew the guitar chords to the song I wanted to learn. It wasn’t long before someone replied to my thread and posted the guitar chords for me. I never did learn how to play that song…

Over the next few weeks and months I would browse online at the forum, reading what other fans had to say. The community was under supervision of the more mature webmasters that ran the website. If you acted out you were banned for a certain amount of time and restricted from the forum. Kept it up and you were banned for good. Bad mouthing, vulgar language was always filtered. After all, Lindsay Lohan had a lot of younger fans.

I didn’t start posting a lot right away. I’d just log in, read what messages other members had posted. I wasn’t all that familiar with what a web forum was and it didn’t really interest me at first to include myself in discussions or talk with the other members. The place was very laid back and had a family atmosphere to it. You could joke around, act silly, and even though the majority of topics were about Lindsay Lohan, there were lots of off topic conversations as well. It really started to grow on me after awhile, and I wanted to be part of the group and not just observe. I started replying here or there at first, terrified what the other member’s responses would be. At first I stuck to the ‘Lindsay’ topics and avoided the off topic section, I still felt like an outsider.

Late October was around the time when the member ‘Neo-Genesis’ first appeared. I didn’t pay much attention. I was still in my observing phase then and all the user names blurred together. It was months later when F.B. explained to me that his screen name Neo Genesis meant, “New Beginning.” I think it was for both of us.

January 2004:

It wasn’t until late January that I started posting on the forum a lot. By that time it was easy for me to tell the members apart and recognize who was a regular and who wasn’t.

There was another ‘Sarah’ on the boards, so I got stuck with the nickname ‘Sarah #2’ and that’s what everyone usually called me. I wasn’t an outsider anymore. I got to know a few people and even made a few close friends. We would see each other online and joke around or talk about different topics in the forum. Neo-Genesis was one of those people I talked with. He had a corny sense of humor and we liked a lot of the same bands. We always had fun joking around and posting on the boards. I didn’t talk with him anymore then I talked with anyone else but he started to stand out to me…

On one occasion in the forum he had typed the name ‘Sarah’ over and over. Intentionally meant for the original Sarah, I couldn’t help being annoyed at seeing my name typed over and over:

Thread: How do we know that, none of us are actually Lindsay

Neo-Genesis @ Jan. 23 2004, 09:21PM

SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH SARAH

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 08:17PM:

Woah... Chill Neo! Sarah #1 isn't here. But I am. Can you quit saying my name, lol. Btw- *looks suspiciously at Neo* "How do I know you're not really Lindsay?" Bwhahaha!

Padfoot9 posted: Jan. 24 2004, 03:11AM:

That's true dedication right there. Whoever you are Sarah, you should embrace Neo for the rest of your life.

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:51PM:

LOL! I think I'm a little old for Neo, lol.

LLSuperfanatic1219 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:58 PM:

Sarah #2, Neo's 24!!!!!!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 24 2004, 11:59 PM:

Neo's 24!? wow! LOL! I didn't know that. Okay, then I'm too young for him, LOL! :-p

LLSuperfanatic1219 Posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:00AM:

LOL!!!! Three years isn't that big of a difference Ms. "Drama Queen!"

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:01AM:

Lol. you're right.

LLSuperfanatic1219 posted: Jan 25 2004, 12:06AM:

If I had been incorrect, I don't think I would've said that!!!!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 25 2004, 01:38AM:

Very interesting. :-)

So I acted nochalant, hehe! Finding out that Neo was older than I had first expected, was interesting to me. Like I said, he began to stand out to me, I enjoyed joking around with him and spending time with him on the forum. Still where was this heading? I didn’t even know this guy personally. I knew next to nothing about him, except that he like Maroon 5, The black eyed peas, Basketball and of course Lindsay Lohan. This was crazy… I couldn’t have feelings for someone I’d never met! I didn’t even know his real name!

It wasn’t long though before my feelings started to reveal themselves right into my posts:

Thread: My poem about my ex-best friend

Neo-Genesis posted Jan. 25 2004,06:49PM:

Where's my advil?.....I need my advil!

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 26 2004, 05:56PM:

Here Neo, *hands Neo a bottle of advil* Take two and call me in the morning. (But then again, you might need more than just two hanging around these boards, lol.

Neo-Genesis posted Jan. 26 2004,07:26PM:

Sure. I'll call you, Sarah#2, but you forgot to give me your phone number......Can I have it, can I, can I? Huh, huh, huh? (just playin')

Punkchick82 posted Jan. 26 2004,12:56PM:

LOL! You don't need my number Neo, all you have to do is say my name, and I'll be there. woah... mental flashback of parents frightening oldies.... wasn't that a song?

Neo-Genesis posted: Jan 27 2004, 01:31PM:

SARAH#2!!!!!!!!!! *cricket sounds, tumbleweed blows by*

Punkchick82 posted: Jan 27 2004, 05:56PM:

HAHAHA! You crack me me up Neo. BTW... where are we, if
there's tumbleweeds blowing by?

We were just playing at first. We would flirt back and forth on the boards acting silly, but it started to become apparent that Neo might be having similar feelings…

Punkchick92 posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:01PM

You mean spam in a can? Or computer spam, cuz if you luv it Neo, then I can certainly spam up your pm box, hee hee.

Neo-Genesis posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:03PM

Yeah, spam in a can....
And Sarah#2, if you spammed up my Pm box that would ROCK my world.

Punkchick92 posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:06PM

Watch out then....

Neo-Genesis posted: Feb. 04 2004,09:09

I'll be looking forward to it.

There was a private message feature in the forum. That acted almost like email. You had your own personal inbox and you could message other members. The very first private message I ever sent Neo was the lyrics to a Michelle Branch song.

'Cause you're Everywhere to me. And when I close my eyes, it's you I see You're everything I know, that makes me believe I'm not alone…'

This was the first of many messages Neo & I would send back and forth to each other. We sent each other messages almost every day.

Hi Sarah! "Kumusta ka?"- that's Tagalog (my native language) for "How are you?".

"Salamat"- that's Tagalog for "Thank You". Thanks for the info on "Sleepless.....". I've probably watched little bits of it cuz I remember a scene where this kid is calling a radio station. Maybe next time, I'll get to watch the whole thing.

Time check: *thinking* "It's 2:30 a.m. here, that means it's 1:30 in the afternoon at Sarah's. I wonder what she's doing.....Hmmmmm."

Thanks for making me smile, I'll see ya when I see ya. Take care, God bless, F.B.

It was then Neo, became F.B. to me, or simply F for short. (Though he remained Neo on the forum itself whenever we talked.) He was 24 years old, he lived in the Philippines. He went to college, he had a younger sister, and still lived at home.

1. Full name: F.B. Felizen Christopher S. Bernardo.....pretty long, eh? F.B. is the initials of my Dad, Felizen is a combination of my parents' names (Felicisimo & Zenaida), Christopher (St. of travellers-my Dad's a ship captain, remember?) and S. stands for Salazar (Mom's maiden name).

I speak both tagalog and English equally. But I'm more comfortable reading and writing in English and there's still some tagalog words I'm confuzzled with. And when I'm thinking things through, I think in English......like right now- "I wonder when my letter's gonna arrive at Philly?". Confession: When I talk to myself (not aloud, but through my mind), I talk in English.....Yes, I'm crazy. LoL! Smile, Sarah. F.B.

We started to get to know each other more personally. And it became more obvious as the months passed that we were both starting to have feelings for each other.

Thread: Poems... poems... poems!!!:

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 2 2004, 05:24AM:

Okay... I'm still stuck in writer’s block mode. But I managed to squeeze out the beginnings of a sappy song.... so I thought I'd share what I have so far,

Verse 1: (not finished..) As the sun starts to set, a new day begins, I'm staring out the window pane, wondering what life for you will bring..................

Chorus: If I close my eyes, I see your smile.
And it feels like we're closer than a thousand miles.
When I close my eyes, I feel your hand in mine.
Your kiss on my cheek sweeter than wine
I want you here.... with me
But maybe this was the way things were meant to be
Living our lives separately.

I'm aggravated by those last two lines of the chorus, it sounds way too much like Michelle Branch, arrgh, but I can't think of another way to say it. Oh well, it's only a rough draft!

That's all I've got for now, lol.

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 2 2004, 01:47PM:

That's nice, Sarah#2.....It kinda reminds me of you.

Btw, I think I've got poster's block. LoL!

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 3 2004, 02:58AM:

Neo, I wonder why it reminds you about me. *blushes furiously*

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 3 2004, 12:58PM:

Hmmmm, let's see.....maybe it's because I feel that way for you, Sarah#2? Whatcha think?

Punkchick82 posted: Mar 3 2004, 03:14PM:

Maybe cuz it's about you... lol.

Neo-Genesis posted: Mar 4 2004, 11:48AM:

WOW! Then we feel the same way for each other, Sarah#2.

Punkchick82 Posted: Mar 4 2004, 01:04PM:

You just realized this Neo? lol.

We started emailing eachother outside the forum. I could check email on my phone while I was at work and almost every day I would find a short message from F.B.

I cannot forget Refuse to regret So glad I met you Take my breath away Make everyday Worth all of the pain I have gone through

Those are lines from another Maroon5 song- "The Sun". It's pretty straightforward really- I'm glad that I got the chance to know you, Sarah.....Well, that's my junk mail. See ya. F.B.

It was nice getting to know eachother and it didn't seem weird that only a few months prior we had been complete strangers. We were still complete strangers... I hadn't seen a picture of him yet and he had never seen a picture of me. I finally got brave enough to share a picture of myself when someone started a thread asking members to post their pictures. F.B. pm-ed me about it when he saw:

When I look at your pic- I see the girl I have fun with, the girl that makes me smile, the girl that makes me happy, the girl I like, the girl I love.....I see you, Sarah (Though where are your ears? LoL!). It's nice to see a smile on your face. Is there ever a time I put a smile on yours? Maybe you'll get to see a pic of me someday. That is, when I figure out how to do it. LoL! Have a nice day. Take care, God bless. F.B.

I hadn't told anyone about F.B. yet. I was afraid of stereotyping, that people would think I was out of mind. Sometimes I felt out of mind. What was I doing? He was so far away and how would we ever get together? Still... he had relatives in the United States so it was possible that we would meet one day. But still, what was I doing having feelings for someone I had never met? Had never seen a picture of? It was weird. It just felt right, I can't explain it. Like we were meant to be together.

My Cousin Chrissy & I were hanging out one day in late March. I had bought Maroon 5's c.d. because F liked them so much and 'She will be loved' was sort of our song at the time. I remember being in the car with my cousin listening to Maroon 5 and somehow I mentioned that a guy had recommended the c.d. to me. My cousin immediately asked, "Jimmy?" Jimmy was one of my close friends from church that I had alot of history with. I said "No... it was some another guy." I left it at that even though she was pretty curious. Eventually I wrote her an email about what had been going on for the past few months. I was afraid of her judging me or giving me a lecture. But she was understanding and wished I had told her about us sooner.

On April 1st, 2004 we took a risk. It was the day we first said, "I love you." We hadn't even seen a picture of one another when we said those words... but was a risk worth taking. Flash Forward to 2008 & here we are, still together. Engaged 1 year already. Who knew 4 years ago we would be here today? I've started this blog to document our incredible long distance story. I'll be back tracking in our story until I reach what's going on with us currently. I will also be using some of our old posts and emails to tell our story. I hope you'll enjoy reading and sharing our long distance love story...

P.S. Please feel free to comment on any entries. You do not have to be on blogger.com to post a comment. Anyone can comment!

BTW: "Tunay Na Mahal" means, "True Love" in Tagalog. The national language of the Philippines.